why am i not getting matches? - the uncomfortable truth

If you’ve ever found yourself typing "why am I not getting matches?" into Google at midnight after another quiet week on Hinge, you're definitely not alone.

You might even assume it's because you’re too short, not “rich” enough, or simply "not attractive enough."

But honestly? Most of the time, it isn’t.

As a dating coach in Singapore, I spend a lot of time reviewing men’s profiles. I also spent almost 3 years on dating apps before finding my husband, and loads of my friends found their partners on dating apps - so I think I know a thing or two about what makes us women not swipe right on you. (Spoiler alert: it’s actually fixable, pretty easily and quickly too.)

1: your profile feels like five different people

One photo you’re wearing a suit (that you’re visibly not at home in), another photo you’re hiking shirtless, and your prompts give a completely different personality from your photos.

And one of my personal biggest pet peeves: listing multiple religions. Believe me, it does not serve as a talking point, and it does not do you any favours - in fact, it does the opposite.

Some examples I’ve seen on Hinge in just 5 minutes of casual scrolling

Women aren’t looking for perfection when they scroll on dating apps. They’re just trying to triangulate information to try to understand a snippet of who you are before deciding. And if your profile keeps changing its mind, they’ll move on.

2: your first photo is costing you matches

I really don’t know who started telling men that sunnies, masks and gym mirror selfies were attractive.

Please stop.

Your first photo should simply let someone see your face clearly, accurately, and easily:

• No weird angles

• No selfies

• No group photos

• No motorcycle helmet

• No graduation photo from 2018

• No FISH

3: you sound just like everyone else

One of the easiest fixes because you can change this today.

Take a look at these prompts:

What have you learnt about this person? Would you want to message them?

Now, compare them to these prompts:

Isn’t your interest now piqued?

There’s nothing wrong with the first set of prompts. But they’re just so generic that they don’t create a conversation! And a woman doesn’t want to take on the mental load of thinking what to reply to something as generic as that.

Now, please don’t go around searching “hinge prompts for guys” or “prompts to make her swipe right”. It’s not about clever one-liners or getting more matches - the idea is to show what you’re really like so that the right one will find you.

4: no text at all, only photo captions

This is arguably worse than #3 because it tells her absolutely nothing about you except what you look like.

I know that Hinge lets you caption photos, but captions and photos don’t always tell the same story - and it’s honestly pretty hard to find a photo that exactly matches the same energy of the suggested caption.

And on CMB, filling out your details isn’t enough. It says that you couldn’t even be bothered. And if you couldn’t even put in a little effort to say something about yourself, what do you think that tells her about how much effort you’ll put in for her?

5: please stop borrowing someone else’s dog.

I promise you - we know.

If you borrowed your friend’s golden retriever or toy poodle because someone on Reddit or some of your guy friends said “women love that”, it’s honestly painfully obvious. It does not show that you love dogs, it does not show that you’re in touch with your softer side.

And ok, let’s say it works. What happens when she asks about your dog?

“Oh…it’s actually not mine hahaha”.

Congratulations! You’ve just started the interaction by disappointing her.

Not because you don’t own a dog - but because you pretended you did.

what to do instead

Instead of trying random “dating hacks”, make your profile easier to understand.

Ask yourself:

• Can someone say something memorable about me after 30 seconds?

• Do my photos actually look like me, today?

• Would someone have something easy to reply to?

• Does my profile actually sound like me?

These four questions alone should improve your profile.

still stuck?

If this feels overwhelming, that’s exactly why I created my dating profile audit.

I'll review your photos, prompts, profile structure and first impressions, then tell you exactly what's working, what's hurting, and what I'd change first - completely personalised to your profile, whether it’s CMB, Hinge or Bumble.

You can view a sample report here if you want to know what it looks like.

No trashy AI prompts, no pretending to be someone you’re not, just a profile that makes it easier for the right woman to say yes.

about the author

I'm Wan Ting, founder of portmanteau, a dating coach for men in Singapore.

I help good men like you stop guessing and build practical dating skills for serious relationships.